20 funny quotes for him and her from internet

1.Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
>>> funny love quotes for you everyday

2.Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

3.I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?
>>> short love quotes that you shouldn't miss
4.Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

5.Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

6.Mediocrity thrives on standardization.

7.History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.

8.Born Free... Taxed to Death.

9.Today's subliminal message is: ( )

10.Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

11.Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.

12.Grow your own dope, plant a man.

13.There are things I like, and there are things I shit on.

14.Roses are red, violets are blue, and puke is yellowish-green.

15.Like a prison without bars and a porn mag lying on the floor - such is the internet.

16.The chainsaw-wielding customer is always right.

17.Don't buy the truth: go find something less expensive.

18.Stupidity runs in the family... It's a good thing I'm adopted.

19.I'm not on Myspace... I'm right here.

20.A doctor is only as famous as his last screw up.